Mediocrity

My biggest fear is a life limited to mediocrity. Everyday I see successful people, hear their stories and picture myself in their situation. This attitude which I have had in years past I now realize is a drawback to my own success. Every success story is affected by so many variables outside ones control, it is nearly impossible to emulate. To think otherwise, is just another "get rich scheme" that will end in disappointment. I am not saying that there is a different plan for everyone, which is predetermined, however we are limited in the choices we make. With that in mind, as I try to avoid settling for anything in my life, while being risk adverse at the same time, I realize that my success will come from smart moves that only I can decide. This frightens me, because I am realizing that the advice which I have followed for years from people I hold at a high level of respect, might be useless in my situation. My situation (from now till I am old and gray) is going to be determined by so many factors outside of my control, that advice I get today from an intelligent person might be useless 5 years from now when the unexpected changes arise. Am I gonna blame my advisor then for a missed opportunity? Clearly not. I am just going to be a mediocre, ordinary soul with a pessimistic perspective of the world. A pawn that gets sacrificed to protect the noble.

I don't understand why the thought of being a pawn scares me so much. I have met thousands of these types, people with good hearts and a high quality of life. I have met succesful people who end up sacrificing their own lives for one reason or another. My eyes have told my heart so many times that money is useless, but yet my mind thinks otherwise. Maybe this is the reason my heart no longer helps my mind write music. Disappointment is a lonely road that I find is leading me to my biggest fear. The more disappointments I have had, whether it be in people who were once close to me, my shortcomings, or this world, the lower my expectations are. To me there is a strong correlation between expectations and the degree of disappointment. With that in mind, I cannot understand why I am so scared of mediocrity. Deciding that I would try to avoid disappointment, one would think that I would lower expectations of myself, or in other words accept mediocrity and the positive qualities that come with it from my experience with other people. But doing this would be kicking myself in my own nuts, which is physically impossible.

Therefore, after all this rubbish, I have made a few conclusions. First, In order to avoid my fear, I need to be less disappointed when expectations are not met. This involves sometimes ignoring the opinions of other people, even those of who I have tried to impress.